A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
