We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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