Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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