i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
