Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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