Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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