well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
