how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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