i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
