He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
