I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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