dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
