A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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