Porn is love you can see.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
