I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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