Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
