Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
