Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
