dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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