when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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