Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
