worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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