yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
