Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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