why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize