i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
