he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
