The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
