We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
