Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
