wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
