I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
