a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
That's intense
I have demons in me.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
