I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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