I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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