i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
