Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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