you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
