I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
