i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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