so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
