I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
