Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Success! We fucked roommates!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
