i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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