Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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