He asked to "fluff my boner.."
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
