garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she told me i tasted like america
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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