you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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