Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
