Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
