Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
