He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
