hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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