I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We are two peas in an std pod
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
