That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
