I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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